Last week, I found myself getting frustrated with someone I interact with almost daily.

Every time we spoke it left me agitated. They were pushy, always making everything about themselves, and completely tone-deaf to how they affected others.

After yet another encounter that left me heated, I caught myself mid-complaint and asked:

"How am I like them?"

My first instinct was to reject the question.

"I'm nothing like them!"

But something made me sit with it longer. And in that uncomfortable pause, I saw it. The truth I'd been avoiding.

Here's what I've learned: the people who trigger you most aren't random. They're precise. They're showing you exactly what you need to see about yourself.

That arrogant colleague? I was arrogant too, just more subtle about it. That attention-seeking friend? I had my own desperate need for validation. That controlling family member? I was trying to control outcomes just as much.

The stuff that make your blood boil in others is probably the qualities you're unconsciously expressing or trying to suppress.

I started using what I call the Mirror Method:

The results have been profound. My triggers don't control me anymore. Difficult people have become my greatest teachers. My relationships have improved because I'm not constantly projecting my unowned shadows onto others.

Pick the three people who trigger you most right now. For each one, complete this sentence:

"The way they _____ reminds me of how I _____"

Be honest. Be specific. And be gentle with yourself when you see the connections.

In our men's work, we talk a lot about taking responsibility for our own experience.

We say Ownership = Own Your “Shit”.

Instead of making others wrong, we get curious about what they're reflecting back to us.

We are not about to be a nice-guy-doormat, or excuse bad behavior.

It's more about using difficult people as a mirrors to see ourselves more clearly.

When you start doing this consistently, something shifts.

You become unshakeable. Not because nothing bothers you, but because you're no longer at the mercy of your unconscious reactions.

Your triggers become your teachers. Your enemies become your allies in disguise.

And the person you couldn't stand? They might just be the one who sets you free.

What patterns are your triggers trying to show you? Hit reply and let me know what you discover.

P.S. - If this resonates, forward it to someone who might need to hear it. Sometimes our greatest gift to others is helping them see their own mirrors.

Ready to explore men’s work? Join our mens circle.

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Thank me later ;)

Alfred Adler's most powerful insight for relationships: every interaction has two tasks.

Your task: How you show up, what you say, how you handle yourself.

Their task: How they receive it, what they do with it, how they respond.

The magic happens when you focus completely on your task and release attachment to theirs.

→ Want to communicate something important? Handle your task: be clear, honest, and present. Their task is whether they understand or accept it.

→ Want deeper connection? Handle your task: show up authentically and consistently. Their task is how they choose to respond to your presence.

When you stop trying to control outcomes and focus on showing up impeccably in your own lane, you become magnetic instead of needy.

This week: Before any big conversation, ask yourself "What's my task here?" Then handle it fully while letting go of theirs.

I’ll be honest with you…

This 4-week retreat is going to be very demanding on your time, mind, body, family, and even your identity.

If you are not willing to put in the effort it takes to complete the program, we would rather you don’t show up.

If however you’re ready to literally change your life. Put your name on the list.

If you complete the 4-weeks and walk away unsatisfied, I will personally give you your program fee back.

That’s how real this is.

Until next time,